I had every intention of writing about our holiday tradiotions but instead I am going to take you on a trip to Melt Down City. This is mostly for my own sanity / venting purpose’s because I highly doubt any parent with a toddler wants to read about another kids tantrums.
I keep playing out yesterdays “events” in my mind and (I think I’m mentally scarred) thinking about all the things I could have done to prevent this. For starters, I could have just left my son at home OR made the chicken I had intended on making (but got too lazy to do so). However, I thought a little mommy & son time would be nice and we were only going to the bowling alley to pick up food.
I loaded him up into my car and gave him a lollipop for the road. We were singing Christmas songs, looking for all the Santa decorations we could find and having fun! But that all changed when we arrived to the bowling alley.
The Gemini in him really showed up… full-blown Jekyll and Hyde style. As soon as we walked in he bolted and wanted to go and play with the bowling balls. I had to chase after him and explain to him that we were only there to pick up our pizza and not to play. He got up (reluctantly ) and walked with me over to the counter where you pick up food.
The second I let go of his hand to grab my wallet, he took off again. A man standing against the wall announced “We got a runner” and I went chasing after him… again. This time his reaction was different. He threw his body on the ground kicking, pounding and screaming, and I mean red-faced screaming ” I WANT TO PLAY MAMA” “LET ME GO” “I WANT TO SEE THE BALLS” “STOP” “YOU’RE HURTING ME” (his new favorite thing to say for absolutely no reason).
I picked him up off the ground and stood him up, grabbed his hand and had him walk with me back to the counter, I felt like I was doing the walk of shame. The woman behind the counter was taking a phone order and it felt like FOREVER. Apparently my son thought this was the perfect time to throw tantrum number 2. Thrashing, screaming, crying, kicking, you name it and he was doing it. I was mortified, completely embarrassed and felt like I had lost all control as the parent. Nothing I was saying was registering with him.
I picked him up off the ground (again) and decided it was best to hold him on my hip. He still had that damn lollipop too, so I took that off of him. Well, this did not sit well with him and he started slapping me in the face and screaming “GIVE IT BACK, MAMA” “IT’S NOT YOURS” and “OW, YOU’RE HURTING ME” (as he is slapping me). At this point my eyes started to fill with tears and I wanted to cry. I could feel everyone’s eyes glued to us and I’m pretty sure that was all the birth control the teenage counter girl would need. I couldn’t look at anyone, because If I had seen one person staring I probably would have screamed “What the f*** are you looking at?” so I just stared up at the ceiling tiles.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we received our pizza and wings. The same man standing by the wall who made the “we got a runner” comment ran over and opened the door for us to leave. I’m pretty sure when we walked out everyone clapped that we were finally gone (atleast it felt like it). I never wanted to leave somewhere so badly. I got my son in the car (still screaming about bowling balls and his lollipop) and just stood there and took a breather. “WTF just happened” I thought to myself as I got into the car. I think I sat there for another 3 minutes or so still trying to process the past 10 minutes of my life ( that felt like an hour).
Ugh, It was a moment in motherhood that I never want to relive again but know at some point it’s going to happen. I hated feeling so out of control. I don’t want to blame myself for my toddlers actions but I do. The realistic part of me says “This is two, Amanda” but the judgmental/ mom guilt side says “this is all your fault..do better.” Motherhood is a never-ending work in progress and just when I think I am figuring it out, my kids slap me in the face with a big ol’ dose of reality… literally.
I think I need to change the title to “FREE KID TO A GOOD HOME”